I was knee-deep in one of those mornings.
The day before, a colleague asked for my help covering her class the next morning at the new Design Studio. The Design Studio sat about 100 yards away from the main campus, and it was so brand new that it wasn't connected by phone or intercom system yet. The students needed someone out there with them in order to work on their projects using the equipment; if I couldn't be there, she would need to reserve classroom space for them somewhere else and come up with a different assignment. I told her I had it covered, no problem.
Which of course meant that it turned out to be a problem after all. In spite of leaving early for work, traffic snarled along the southbound side of the Merritt Parkway, and no amount of rerouting through country back roads could undo the time wasted creeping along between Norwalk and Stamford behind the car with the "COEXIST" bumper sticker. Once I could no longer pretend I might be able to make up the time somehow, I sighed as I fished my cell phone out of my purse to text my boss. I told him I would be late, and someone needed to go retrieve the students and find somewhere for them to be until I could get there. He said he would move them to the library, no worries.
There are a handful of things that raise my blood pressure. Being late is one of them. My stomach churns, I fidget, my heart rate increases, and I take fast, shallow breaths until I notice and try to slow things down. This reaction to being late increases exponentially when I know that the person (or in this case, people) on the other end depends on me to do something. Letting people down--even in small ways--makes me question everything about my life and my value as a human being. I sat there and fretted and stewed, imagining catastrophic scenarios unfolding with the students or a disgruntled colleague slipping and falling on the ice after being dispatched to the Design Studio to move the girls inside to the library.
Just as traffic should have started to open up, though, it came to a complete stop. I groaned and swore under my breath when I saw the wreck in front of me. Two lanes and no exit in sight meant waiting out the arrival of highway patrol, emergency vehicles, and a tow truck to move the cars out of the way, and suddenly I went from being a little behind schedule to cover my friend's class to being seriously at risk of not getting there in time to teach my own. I texted my boss again, with a bit more colorful language this time. He told me to calm down, everything was going to be fine.
When I finally got to school, I ran to my office, threw my purse in a corner, and grabbed my laptop and the folder with my students' work to hand back. I balanced my coffee cup on top of the stack and went blazing towards the glass doors leading from the library to the classrooms, moving as fast as I could without actually running. I have no idea exactly what happened next, but as I walked through the doors, something slipped one way while something else tilted the other way, and the next thing I knew, I had coffee cascading from my computer onto my clothes, soaking the papers and creating a huge slipping hazard on the floor in the process. I came to an abrupt stop, gave a silent scream, sucked in a deep breath, and barely managed to suppress a string of expletives.
At that precise moment I looked down the hall and caught my boss's eye as he watched the scene unfold from the doorway of his office. We looked at each other for a few seconds, me in shock and outraged surprise, him trying desperately to keep it together, and all of a sudden he lost his internal battle for composure and started to laugh.
He laughed so hard tears ran down his cheeks within seconds. He laughed so hard he turned several shades of red and gasped for air. He laughed so hard and so long and showed no signs of stopping as he stood bent over at the waist with his hands on his knees.
Finally I'd had enough. "I'm glad you're enjoying this, but are you just going to stand there and laugh or are you going to help me clean up this mess?" I demanded with all the impudence of a five year old. I might as well have stomped my foot.
He laughed harder. His secretary came away from her desk to see what in the world was going on. The college counselor and her assistant poked their heads into the hallway to assess the situation, but when they saw me staring him down while coffee puddled around my feet, they quickly ducked back into their office. We stood there like that until the Head of School's assistant came up the stairs with a candidate for an opening in the History Department, and my boss finally had to get himself together enough to conduct an interview. He gestured for the young man to wait in his office, went into the bathroom for some paper towels, and helped me mop up the mess on the floor, all without looking me in the eye lest he start laughing again.
He tried to explain later why he found it so hilarious, but I think it was one of those things you had to witness to really understand. It had something to do with knowing what a crap morning I'd had and the comedy of errors when the only thing that could have redeemed at least part of it--making it to class and handing back papers with some semblance of dignity--went completely out the window.
He hired the guy for the history job, though.
Here are this week's prompts from 642 Things:
- That relationship that ended: when did it really end?
- Your worst enemy writes his/her memoir. There's a whole chapter devoted to you. How does it begin?
- When did you not realize you were being hilarious? What was everyone laughing about?
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